Letters
by Jacaroo
Summary: Dawn finds Buffy's letters. Set post "The Gift".


Title: Lettersbr Author: Jacquibr Rating: Um.. G?br Pairing: B/Abr Spoliers: Nup..unless you didn't see "The Gift".br Timeline: Dawn finds some of Buffy's things after "The Gift".br Author's Note: Yeah yeah I know. But I rewatched Grad day and then "The Gift" and was in angsty mode. Besides.I like to imagine Dawn would have done this if she'd found Buffy's letters etc.br Feedback: Yummy yummy yummy I got feedback in my tummy.angelicbeing1@hotmail.combr Distribution: Want me? Take me! Just lemme know.p  
  
Dawn had found the letters the morning after the funeral.br She'd been sitting quietly in her sister's room, legs crossed Indian style beneath her, clutching Mr. Gordo to her chest and trying to desperately inhale the lingering Vanilla scent of Buffy that clung to the room as if it too sensed the gnawing gap the Slayer's untimely demise had left.p  
  
She wasn't really prying. Honest. She was just missing her sister SO damn much and was sick and tired of moping around listening to Willow and Tara sniffling and pretending like they cared for her suffering. What did THEY know anyway? THEY weren't the ones who had caused her death.p  
  
She'd found the simple cardboard box with a decorated lid partially sticking out of Buffy's cupboard draw as if she'd recently been looking at it. Dawn traced the indents of her sister's swirled writing proclaiming that the box belonged to B. Summers and slid the lid off.p  
  
Her eyes had widened in surprise and shock. She didn't realize Buffy had kept all these things from the past. Picking up the small silver ring inside she smiled a watery eyed smile as she remembered when Angel had given it to Buffy, of course she also remembered hearing her sister come home and sob like she'd had her heart torn out the next day.p  
  
Hearing a door slam downstairs, Dawn chewed on her lower lip a second before placing the ring back inside and closing the lid, tucking the precious cargo beneath her arm she slipped past the stairs to her own room, knowing no-one would dare disturb her without at least knocking.p  
  
Settling back against her plush toys and pillows, she took the lid off the box once more and lifted out a bundle of letters tied together with a gold flecked ribbon. A postcard dropped out and she set the bundle aside and picked up the postcard, turning it over to look at the photograph of L.A's skyline at night. p  
  
IGotta be from Angel.I don't remember her mentioning him sending it.and I so don't remember it coming./Ip  
  
Dawn was always the first to spring on the post. She was always sort of half hoping she'd received some exotic invitation to a party or something. Buffy had always complained about her to mom, calling her the 'post Nazi'.p  
  
Dawnie turned the postcard over and ran her thumb over the delicate and extremely beautiful message penned in thick black ink.p  
  
II love you./Ip  
  
That was all it said but Dawn knew who'd sent it and why Buffy hadn't said anything about it. She never really did about all things concerning Angel. It was like he was her only real secret and she'd always guarded him so fiercely. p  
  
Dawn remembered Angel though. Big black trench coat and lots of hair gel. He always hugged her and gave her a kiss when he came. He smelled like after-shave and rain. Buffy loved him a lot. Dawn knew her sister and the vampire had had one of those ultra deep loves. The ones where the heroine dies dramatically when she hears her lover was killed or something. Okay so Buffy didn't die.at least not in the physical sense.but she'd been so distant that summer after he left.p  
  
She checked the post date on the postcard and smiled a little. Yep. It was dated the 1st of October 2000. The end of the first summer Angel was absent from their lives.p  
  
Dawn placed the postcard aside and picked up the thick bundle of letters. She was pretty certain they were all going to be from the same person or visa versa but she felt her heart quickening at the sight of her sister's untidy scrawl. p  
  
I13th July 1999p  
  
You're gone. And I know your gone I mean I watched you go but it just.God.it doesn't feel real to me. Angel. I keep thinking that if I wish for it hard enough, if I just concentrate as hard as I can that you'll appear at my window, smiling that half smile of yours and undressing me with your eyes. God.your eyes. Did I ever tell you much I love them? They tease and dominate me with the barest glance.p  
  
Your eyes were always the easiest way for me to read you. Like when you told me you didn't want to be with me in that stupid sewer tunnel. God.I wish.I mean, I keep thinking back you know? And I know it's pointless and redundant at this point in time but I wonder if we hadn't chased that stupid vampire down would you still have broken up with me?p  
  
I miss you. It hurts here without you. It's like Sunnydale itself knows you're gone and has closed in on me, I feel like every tree and plant and rock is laughing at me because they know I need you like I need to breathe. Which is funny in some way I just can't grasp.P  
  
How are you? I hope your okay. No.scratch that I hope your as miserable and lonely as me cause otherwise you SUCK. I really want to hate you but I can't. I never could. Maybe that was our downfall huh? If you'd just been a little less charming and I'd been slightly smarter.or if you hadn't made me fall in love with you and I hadn't lost myself when you went away.P  
  
I guess none of it matters anymore because the truth is your not here and I'm all alone. Again.P  
  
Always,brBuffy./Ip  
  
Dawn swallowed and looked up and over at the window Buffy had mentioned in her letter. Wow. She'd never known just how much Buffy had missed him.p  
  
If only Angel had been here. She sighed. Maybe she'd have found some reason not to jump off that stupid tower.p  
  
Dawn riffled through the bundle of letters, finding a newer, less rumpled one. It was from Angel, dated just after mom had died, a day before the funeral took place. She knew he'd come to see her but it wasn't ever talked about. She only knew about it cause Giles had mentioned it in passing to Buffy. But she'd just shrugged and looked preoccupied.p  
  
IBuffy,P  
  
I was so sorry to hear about Joyce. She was a beautiful person and I know how much she loved you. Cordelia and Wesley send their condolences and wish they could come to the funeral but sadly work up here is at an all time high. Evil has no tact, as you are well aware. I'm coming to see you. I should be there as early as later tonight. p  
  
I'm sorry sweetheart.p  
  
Love,brA./Ip  
  
Fresh tears leaked from Dawn's eyes and she rubbed at them and sniffled pathetically. Angel had come to see her. And he'd called her sweetheart too. It made her heartache lessen slightly to know at least Angel was around when it counted. Stupid Riley. How dare he go all Commando guy and just take off right when she needed him? p She wondered how he had taken the news when Willow went to see him. Dawn knew the guys had argued about her going and Willow had almost slapped Xander in the face when he said Angel had no right to be informed. As if. Xander had always had such a bug up his butt about Buffy and Angel. Jeez. p Poor Angel though, she thought. He must be pretty torn up right now. I hope he's gonna be okay. p She noticed another letter attached to Angel's note and realized it was a letter Buffy had sent to Angel thanking him for showing up. It had never been posted. Hmm. Weird. p IAngel,p  
  
Thanks.for.you know, everything. I'm sorry about before in the cemetery. I shouldn't have started that. I just.you were there and God you looked SO good after everything and mom.It's just so unfair! I mean.I lose everything I have and I still can't even have you for more than a few measly hours!p  
  
Sorry. Sorry. I'm being a bitch. Again. p  
  
I'm just. I guess all I really wanted to say is thank you. Thank you for always being there for me and thank you for all the times you've been there for me and I haven't realized it. I love you. Always.p  
  
Buffy./Ip  
  
II wonder why she never posted it?/I Dawn mused sadly and her breath hitched to a stop when she found a recent letter in an open envelope at the bottom of the pile. It was addressed to Angel Investigations, L.A and was dated a few days ago!p  
  
"Oh God." Dawn moaned and without more than a second's guilt slipped out the letter and smoothed the page out with her hands. She read the lines greedily, eating up the last link she had to Buffy.p  
  
IMy Angel,p  
  
Things are bad here. I mean really, end-of-the-world bad. There's this God and she's.well let's just say she's after Dawn and I don't plan on letting that happen. p  
  
I think.I think this is pretty much it for me. I think I'm gonna die tomorrow. And it should frighten me or something right? p  
  
But.there's just nothing anymore. Inside. I feel cold and kind of numb. And I don't think it's the kind of cold you get from sitting around without socks on. I feel cold inside. In my heart. And in my soul. I think it's time for Buffy to roll over and let another Slayer do the work.p  
  
It should cause me a pang to know you'll mourn me. And that you'll be really pissed off at me for quitting so easily when I always told you to fight. I stand by that. Angel.I don't think you'll ever understand how much I love you. You were.you still are my first and only love. What is it they say? "You only get one true love of your life". Well, I had mine for a short little time so it's okay. It's okay for me to go because.because I know you know everything I needed to say and everything I couldn't find the right words for.p  
  
You made me smile. And you loved me for me. p  
  
Thank you. And I love you.p  
  
See ya later. (No goodbyes remember?)p  
  
Always your Buffy./Ip  
  
It was too much. Dawn burst into tears and hid her face in her hands. Letting the pain and the grief wash over her. And when she was done sobbing for her lost sibling she put everything into a big envelope and addressed it in her neatest writing to Angel Investigations.p  
  
On a spur of the moment idea, she penned a short but too the point note and slipped it inside as well, then posted it.p  
  
IDear Angel,p  
  
Hey it's me Dawn. Um.I just wanted to send you this stuff of Buffy's. I found it by accident in her room and thought.you should have them. p  
  
I miss you. Please call and let me know your doing okay, alright? p Love,brDawn./Ip  
  
~p  
  
Across the country a broken man wept.p  
  
~p  
  
A few weeks later Dawn was surprised and oddly giddy to find mail addressed to her in the letterbox. That was till she recognized the postmark and her eyes widened just slightly. She hadn't told anybody about her posting off Buffy's personal stuff to Angel and now that things were sort of settling into a rhythm she was scared at what Angel might say.p  
  
Quietly slipping upstairs, dodging Tara and Willow she settled by her window and peeled open the letter. A folded slip of paper and a business card. Humph. She looked at the card and smiled slightly at the little angel figure etched on it. p  
  
Unfolding the note she read it and let out a soft sigh, leaning her head back against the wall and watching the trees sway with soft hisses in the wind.p  
  
IThank you./Ip  
  
IFinis./Ip 


End file.
